It’s time to focus on what’s important … your life and the job you came here to do is important!

I am so lucky to have so many passions in life and luckier still that I have created businesses around these passions. I’m proud to say I hold recognised qualifications in what I do. I’ve studied hard and worked to defeat the odds against me at certain times of my life.  Integrity and professionalism are important to me across my writing and my ‘healing’ practice, particularly in an age where people bestow titles of “teacher”, or “guru” on themselves so readily. And yet – there has been a feeling of ‘heaviness’ around the writing side of my business for some time. I sensed a shift and I just couldn’t for the life of me understand where my heavy energy was coming from. Ink runs through my veins but I was feeling disconnected from my joy.  Thankfully (and unexpectedly) my recent trip back to Scotland helped me shine a light on what was really weighing me down. It wasn’t what I thought it was.

I’ve been a professional writer most of my career whether for corporates, government, R&D, private entities or publishing – you name it. There’s not a “thing” I haven’t written from White Papers, to tender submissions, to radio scripts, advertisements to ebooks, to websites and published articles in magazines.  I’ve  also been a ghostwriter much of that time so I’ve been writing books for people and not-for-profit entities.

When you are a copywriter (write for business) or you ghostwrite a book for an individual – nobody knows who you are, primarily because you are writing “as the business” or as if you are the person who has commissioned you to write their book. You fade into the background so that only your words -and their name (or brand) – remains (hence the “ghost” in ghostwriter 😉 ).

My childhood dream was to write books, articles, poems or stories that helped other people heal, or feel better about themselves and their lives, and I thought I was living that to a certain extent, but it was during our recent trip to family in Scotland, that I had a profound realisation.

Because of my desire to help others, or to do a “good job” I had allowed myself to be gently carried off on lots of little unseen currents, all taking me further downstream from my intended destination. Somewhere along the lines, I had drifted even though I thought I was in the driving seat.

I’ve spent my career giving my carefully crafted words to others. I was writing. I was happy. I didn’t question it.  My writing career has sustained me.

I’m proud to say, I have written a few books now – all with other people’s names on the cover.  Other people receive the credit and the rave reviews. And yes, I may have been paid to write my words, to share my thoughts, ideas and expertise, but 9 times out of 10, not really – not at the industry rate. The average everyday individual doesn’t have enough disposable income to pay a professional writer a full-time wage.  So I work out ways to make the payment side more manageable for those who have a story to share. A story that will help others.

Don’t get me wrong, I know this is what I signed up for. I have loved every moment. I have done a great job for all my clients.  I’ve been able to spend my days writing – I’ve made it work for them and me. What could be better than that?

My thinking has been, well if my clients’ books help others, then I am still staying true to my childhood dream to help others through my writing, albeit indirectly.

The reality is, no-one knows these thoughts, concepts or words actually come from me – my mind, my creativity or even my spiritual guides … because I take on and perfect the voice of my client. I sometimes feel I channel my client  to encapsulate their true essence. I enjoy that aspect. It’s a skill I’m proud of. But 2 or 3 years ago, a heaviness set in and I couldn’t shake it.

Wake up call

Fast forward 3 years and I’m back home in Scotland. Through conversations with a good friend I realised they had no clue what I did for work – let alone the fact I’d written a few books.  I was a bit shocked by that realisation. I started questioning my whole career. I felt as though I were living  life as a secret agent. Who knew I was this good at keeping things a secret? This seemed to compound my  feelings around the Ghostwriting aspect of my business. i couldn’t quite articulate it yet, but there was a definite ouch moment. Could this mean I wasn’t working in alignment with who I was anymore –  perhaps I wasn’t honouring the road I was meant to travel?  I couldn’t make sense of why this was all starting to irk me …what had changed?

I thought long and hard as to whether my heavy energy was due to a lack of recognition – was my ego begging for attention? So many people in my line of work tell me “oh you should write a book” and I have often wanted to say “oh but I have”…

While people back home know I’m a “writer”, in some vague sense, they have no awareness of the books I’ve written because I actively keep an air of confidentiality and anonymity around my work. this is my choice as a professional. I also like to nurture my clients as so often the excitement for their project fizzles out when they realise how much work is involved. With this in mind, I soon realised it wasn’t really my ego that was begging for attention -and it wasn’t my friend’s fault that they didn’t know what I did for a living.

It didn’t take me long to realise – the ‘revelation’  I experienced back home and the heaviness that surrounded me went straight to the heart of where my own “healing” and “transformation” was needed. They were little breadcrumbs… I always teach my clients in healing sessions – don’t just stop at the first breadcrumb you come to and think job done – or it holds all the answers…. it’s showing you the way to many more breadcrumbs – and sometimes you have to go deep into the scary forest to find the truth.

All those years ago I felt safe hiding behind a business or someone else’s story – making it happen for them gave me a sense of pride in a job well done. After all it’s what I studied for. It suited me that people didn’t know who I was, until I knew whether I was any good. I had a severe case of imposter syndrome brought on by never feeling good enough as a child. I had done so much work on this, perhaps there was more to do. So I kept going, deeper and deeper. Meditating and working with my cards as well as reflecting on when I started to feel the heavy energies around me.

As a ghostwriter, I have sold more than my words.I’ve also given away my “connection” to my readers to other people. I’ve shared wisdom that came from my own experience, my voice and something of my spirit too.  When those words started to come through from my higher self, I have to o say this was a big “aha” or “woa” moment.

It occurred to me, with all of this reflection, that’s why I loved working in publishing on magazines because I was able to connect more with the readership through feedback from articles I’d written.  The information flowing through me or presented by me was authentic – it was from me as a result of a life I had lived and the challenges I had overcome. People respond to that and through the process a healing takes place, readers feel seen and validated and a level of understanding and connection is created.

When I attribute my words to others, I miss out on that wonderful connection with the readership because my readers don’t know who I am…